Warrior Cats Smoof in: The Flea Market
Leafpool: Hi, and welcome to the one, the only, the utterly magnificent, the first ever, the best in the Clans, the— Squirrelflight: (interrupts) The Warrior Cats Flea Market! Stealthfire: Hey! You stole the way my conversations with Moss go! How dare you! Leafpool: Well, you are the one writing the smoofs… Squirrelflight: Because Mosswhisker can’t be bothered to get off her fat lazy hindquarters… Mosswhisker: (sitting on fat lazy hindquarters a mile away) I resent that! I would come over and say that to your face, but I can’t be bothered to get up off my fat lazy hindquarters! Leafpool: So you really can’t blame us at all. Stealthfire: YES. I. CAN. Squirrelflight: But that makes absolutely no sense at all! Even I can see that! Brambleclaw: I can’t! Squirrelflight: Case in point. Stealthfire: And I should care because? Mosswhisker: Please don’t say it, PLEASE DON’T SAY IT… Squirrelflight: Because everyone will think you’re insane. Mosswhisker: She said it. Stealthfire: Yay! Leafpool and Squirrelflight: ?? Stealthfire: In SkyClan culture, being insane is equivalent to being a superhero! Mosswhisker: Oh Great StarClan, Stealth! Stealthfire: I’ll prove it to you! Whee… (flies away) Mosswhisker: Whoa. She was actually right for once! Leafpool: Well, now that we’ve wasted half the smoof talking about something that happened in the first two sentences, let’s move on! Squirrelflight: Finally! Leafpool: While you’re here… (sets up stand in a flurry of wild energy) Would you like to buy some amulets? Mosswhisker: No, I really don’t think— Squirrelflight: How ‘bout some energy drinks? Mosswhisker: (pales) Leafpool: How—how did you get those? (gulps) Squirrelflight: Well, I read in my Buk of NcreDbL Funess (thunderclaps) that I needed to find out what they were. So I asked Brambleclaw, and he told me! (smiles sweetly) Brambleclaw: (on laptop) Hey, it says here that they taste great too! Leafpool, Mosswhisker, and general population: Noooooo… Squirrelflight: Really? I guess I’d better try one then! Stealthfire: Stealthfire, to the rescue! (da da da, da da da da da…) (swoops down and grabs energy drinks before Squirrelflight can taste them) Leafpool, Mosswhisker and general population: Yay! Squirrelflight: Nuts! Brambleclaw: Where? Everyone: (stares) Squirrelflight: (coughs) Well, I guess I have no choice but to sell: Energy bars. (Whee) Stealthfire: I give up. (flies away) Mosswhisker: Drastic action is required. (turns to Squirrelflight) I’ll take them all. Everyone: (gasps) Squirrelflight: Done! Mosswhisker: (takes bars) Now, I’ll just go and get rid of these. (walks away into back of dark alley) Snowkit: Now what do we do? (about one gazillion cats set up booths) Tigerstar: Hey, kid. (opens long trenchcoat) Want to buy a romance novel? Snowkit: (gags) Tigerstar: Come on, they’re not that bad! All cats: (are skeptical) Tigerstar: But I dedicated one to my mate! Goldenflower: In that case… (gulps) …I’ll take one. Sasha: You don’t have to do that, you know. Goldenflower: (sighs) Unfortunately, I do. He’s my mate. Sasha: What do you mean he’s your mate? He’s my mate! Leopardstar: Yeah, hate to get in this, especially as I’m dead, but I thought Tigerstar wanted to be my mate, for a while. Goldenflower & Sasha: What?!? Tigerstar: (slides away slowly) Mosswhisker: (runs by) Tigerstar’s a— Brightheart: ‘‘O’’kay then… Scourge: Medieval weaponry, get your medieval weaponry here! We got maces and lances and rapiers— Queens: Oh my! Kits: Ooh, Mommy, can I get one? Can I, can I, can I? Ferncloud: Not right now, kits. First we have to go look for the tom who was selling those beautiful romance novels! Kits: (gag) One of Mistyfoot’s unnamed kits: Can nobody save us? Stealthfire: Stealthfire, to the rescue! Stealthfire’s personal orchestra: Da da da, da da da da da… Moss: Ooh, she’s got an orchestra now? Stealthfire: (grabs Tigerstar by scruff) Tigerstar: Hey! What in the name of vegetarian meat sauce are you doing? Stealthfire: Ridding the world of bad romance novels once and for all! Kits: Yay! Ferncloud: (bawls) Tigerstar: Geez, what is ‘‘up’’ with all you she-cats now a days? You’re all a bunch of morons! She-cats: Hey! Toms: (whistle innocently) Stealthfire: Oh, I didn’t ‘‘drop’’ you, did I? Ah, well, that mass of angry she-cats should break your fall! (grins evilly) Moss: Hey, you’re not allowed to do that anymore! You’re a superhero! Tigerstar: (is falling) Stealthfire: How do you know? Tigerstar: (is still falling) Moss: Because, you said so earlier in the smoof. Remember? Tigerstar: (has been falling a long time now) Stealth: No. (smiles) Moss: Of course you don’t. Molepaw: (looks up at sky) Wow, it must sure be a long way down from up there! Sorreltail: Molepaw! (runs and huggles) Molepaw: (gags) Brightheart: Before Tigerstar falls and crashes, causing us to lose our moderate rating, let’s sing the End of the Show Song! :This is the End of the Show, :In case you didn’t know, :But you really should have known by now, :This is the End of the Show, :Now let’s all do the disco! All Apprentices: Yay! (random clapping ensues) Squirrelflight: Yes indeed, folks, my client’s book on gagging, ‘‘Gagging: Its Techniques, Usage, and Various Dialects’’, will change your life, as just demonstrated by our excellent volunteers! Even supervillians own it! Stealth: (salutes) (winks at random tom sitting in front row) Tigerstar: (wolf whistles) Oh, yeah! Sasha & Goldenflower: (maul) Tigerstar: Help, I’m being attacked by she-cats! Squirrelflight: Call in the next thirty minutes and get your autographed copy free! (within five to seven business days) All Apprentices: Umm… Read More *Warrior cats Smoof in: The Auction (insert drumroll here) *Warrior cats Smoof in: The Library *Warrior Cats Smoof in: the Warrior's Message's of DOOM! *Warrior Cats Smoof in: The Case of the Repeated Names *Warrior Cats Smoof in: Christmas Caroling *Warrior cats Smoof in: Firestar's Death Scene *Warrior Cats Smoof In: The Epic Scavenger Hunt of Disturbing Things *Warrior Cats Smoof in: The Library (again!) *Warrior Cats Smoof In: The Apprentices (DUN DUN DUN)